To my queen, Kira,

I'm so sorry. I promised I wouldn't rush the decision. Just that morning you looked cozy in your sphynx pose, looking up at me with clear, bright eyes. It's like you didn't mind at all that your back legs didn't work anymore. I carried you everywhere and you nuzzled and loved on me like it was no bother to you. I would have quit my job and never slept again if it was possible for me to just carry you like that everywhere. How much more time would we have had? 22 years and 9 months is not enough. So I took you in, and the doctor said there's nothing more to do. No more meds to try. It could have been a month or a day till you started to actually look like you were suffering. I could wait till your pain was out of control, or I could do it now and then, while you still had some ability to focus and see me. So I made the choice not to wait till your suffering was so bad that it was obvious, or I come home to find you fallen or stuck for hours. And then once the decision was made that it was time... I rushed it. We were both there at the doctor's office. I didn't feel like I could come back to do it later. It took about an hour and a half, I cried and held you, you had no idea what was coming. I knew it was a possibility though, that's why I wrapped you thoughtfully in a blanket this time to take you there. I gave you your last treats. You fell asleep on my arms, and then it was over. Biggest regret of my life. I should have taken home some medication and taken just one more night with you. Why didn't I do that? I will regret it for the rest of my life. How could I do that to you? To both of us? How could I not give us one more night together for a proper goodbye? Spend the night cuddling you like we both deserved? I miss you so much, my heart is exploding with pain. You were the light and the color in my life. You saved my life over and over, loved me when there was no love in my life, the only family and companion of my upbringing that lasted. It will never be the same without you, my queen. I hope I did the right thing. I love you so much. I miss you like no one would ever believe. Goodbye, my love. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Love,

Tal