I will miss you and your green eyes you were and always be the most wonderful cat we ever had. I will always remember all the good times we had when you came to my bed one night kept on pawing me to open the door for you so you could pee. I will always treasure the special moments we had together. I’ll never forget the times we had when you let me hold you and care for you. Please always know I am sorry that you had to die alone. I sorry that no one was there to comfort you in the moments that you really needed the most I am so sorry that you had to suffer with all the pain that you had to deal with I will never forget that perfect bathroom picture you were in I deeply will miss you. And most of all your brother will miss you. Panda please don't forget us please. I will miss you a lot. I will always cherish you sitting by baby Jesus. you will not be forgotten by this family we all miss you and love you. 

My dear sweet boy, I remember the first time I saw you, you were so scared of the other people and the cats in your room. You swatted at me the first time I tried to touch you. I knew then that you were like me. Scared and afraid of what's to come. We picked you and your brother. When we got you home you flew under my bed too scared to come out. But then -after some time- let me love on you and care for you. You became my bestfriend when I lost mine, listened to me sing when nobody else wanted to, and even slept in my bed when I was afraid of thunderstorms. I remember the first time you spent the first christmas I had at my new home with me and my Foster mom. You were so excited to get your favorite treats, and a little less excited to have a little blue hat on your head. Oh, my sweet old boy I love you so much. You were my greatest happiness in sad times. And my greatest sadness in happy times. I think everytime I become happy "why? Why should I be happy?" The answer is simple. You wouldn't want me to be sad. Your beautiful gold eyes always lit up when I smiled or entered your room. I'm so sorry I didn't see you the day before you left. They wouldn't let me. I'm so sorry you had to die alone. But you are never alone now. You were once mine but now you are once again God's. I will always miss you my sweet baby. 

My little baby, thank you for coming into our lives. No matter how small the animal is Love is still love.
And the feelings we had for you were genuine.
Thank you
We wish you could have been here longer.  We love you so deeply. I hope that we made your life Better.our hearts will hurt for you Always.
You're just the cutest sweetest little thing.  And we're gonna miss having you around. To others you were just a Hamster but to us You were part of our family.
I wish we could have loved you longer. I know where ever you're at, you're roaming free.
And hope you will be waiting for us wherever you may be.
Please don't forge that, we love you so so so much. We love you Rocky and we miss you❤️‍🩹
9/5/23

I am sorry I didn’t know you had FeLV until it was too late. You are such a pretty kitty, in fact the most special animal I’ve ever had in my entire life. 

You were so full of love, never bit anyone, except the lady who was force feeding you when we didn’t know what was wrong. 

You were so full of life up until a week ago. You deserved so much better, yet even while I yelled “I don’t want you to die girl” non stop sobbing my eyes out you were drunk kitty walking to show me your strength and you were laying on me pushing your paws on my face to get my attention away from the fucking sadness. 

I know you missed salem girl, I put you to rest with him outback where your brush I brushed you with until they put you down is buried so you can feel like a pretty kitty one more time. I hate the fucking world right now, I needed you still Thumbalina and you didn’t deserve to die like that. 

Thank you for showing me what true strength is. Even with a hermacrit of 6, you were a walking fucking miracle. Especially because you held on for one more selfish night for me. 

Rest easy pretty kitty. I don’t believe in the afterlife or religion much, if at all. But if there is an afterlife please be there to greet me on the other end of the kitty rainbow before they send me to burn in hell alone. 

it hasn't even been a week since you left.  cancer was eating away at you and we had to stop the pain somehow – you couldn't get up to greet us, you couldn't walk, you couldn't play.  seeing you like that has broken my heart.  letting you go wasn't nearly as hard as watching how the disease took your life away so quickly.

your daddy is devastated.  i am heartbroken and hurting.  you meant so much to us.... we were a big pet family but you were the core.  without you, everything has shifted, everything is unrecognizable.  the coming weeks and months, we just have to get used to this new life without you in it – and it all seems hollow and sad.

you were kind, patient, calm, gentle, sensitive – and silly, playful, goofy, a grinning fool, romping through snow like a puppy, even with your bad hips.  i love dogs and i've known many but you were a milestone.  there will always be a "before" and "after" for our time together.

i cry still, but i don't want to.  i want to forget the cancer and the last few weeks when we struggled to keep you comfortable.  i want to remember the other eleven-and-a-half years that were the best in our lives.  your daddy and i took you on road trips, bought a house, got married, adopted other dogs to keep you company, we built a humble little life with you.  navy, you were so loved.

if there is a dog heaven, i know what you're doing.  
you're collecting toys and sticks, you're off-leash and romping hard, you're throwing your weight into my lap with a heavy sigh, you're staying up until 2 a.m. at one of our dinner parties, you're waiting outside the dollarstore for me to bring out a stuffy toy for you, you're pulling my glove off my hand so you could carry it home for me, you're grinning at me from across the room, you're asleep with your tongue out, you're falling behind on our hikes, you're looking at me when i'm babbling to you, eyebrows furrowed, wanting desperately to understand.  i was only ever saying i love you.

and you're sitting at the door, waiting to see us again.

You started limping on a Saturday morning in January. The night before, you romped with your brother and sister and tried, like you always did, to dig a hole in the ice.  Then just you and I went out to meet mommy at the bus stop and you were a puppy again in how excited you were to see her.  You were wearing the doggy shirt your mommy got you for Christmas with that silly picture of me on it, and I was wearing the silly shirt mommy got for me two years ago with your smiling face on it. Off Leash and Rompin' Hard it says.

I remember the day your mommy got you for me. Mommy had asked me to come over after work and I thought you were an inquisitive cat from a distance.  When I realized saw you weren't a cat, and instead the best dog ever, I thought 'that's awesome, Nina got a puppy.' When she told me you were for me, I dropped to my knees and gave you the biggest kiss and I never stopped smiling for the rest of your life.

We spent a special year together in that apartment near Maple Leaf Gardens, just you and me. We watched Star Trek together all the time. You destroyed that ugly blue couch — I remember coming home from work and the parquet floor all over our place was obscured by polyester fluff, like you evenly distributed it all. You looked at me like, 'what? you were gone.' I remember those days waking up to you gnawing on my hand-made side tables in bed — you always slept at the head of the bed. I loved every second.

Soon enough mommy and Calvin were around a lot more and then we all moved in together in that apartment on Cosburn. You had to move to the bottom of the bed, I'm not sure if you ever forgave mommy for that. Every party we had always ended the same, with a few drunk people congregated around you, wide awake and getting pets. You always stayed with us to the end, even when you cut your paw while we walked to the wine store and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Emma picked you up half-way through the party when the VEC said you could come home and even though you were dazed on the drugs, you still stayed up with us, never wanting it to end.

And you had so many friends. Emma and my dad were particular favourites: You howled in grief when my dad didn't spend adequate time here during visits and you whined with glee whenever Emma came over.  We've said goodbye to many doggy friends, too: Chelsea, Buster, Rizla and Hunter all left us too early. Even your dog-park friends: Nigel who kept giving you Giardia over and over again and Trapper who taught you how to be noble. No one compared to Calvin though, he taught you everything about loyalty. After he left and didn't come back you slept in his bed for a week.

You stuck with us through your annoying new siblings Sailor and Sophie. At our wedding you gave mommy and I a look that said 'there are too many people here!' We'll never forget that, it proved you were a discerning dog. And you protected your baby cousin Lucy from the crowds all night.

You were strong, too.  After your tummy surgery, I visited you every day and cried with an indescribable happiness when you finally started eating again. You stayed with us for two more years after that and we cherished every second.

Then, cancer.  Your limp only got worse and the news hit us like a truck. I didn't sleep that night and had a job interview the next morning. I credit you with getting me through it because I wasn't nervous: You were all that mattered. A few weeks later, you stopped eating anything but steak and you whined when you couldn't get up. You were sad and hurting and we didn't want you to be sad any more. On March 6, we watched Star Trek together and ate steak. On March 7 your big heart beat its last time and we wailed in agony as if something was being torn from our bodies.  But, later we started looking over all our old photos and we saw how happy you were for those 4155 days.  

We will miss you, Navy, always and forever.

Sexydexy, you were the best dog I have ever had. From the moment I looked in your perfect, sweet face, I was in love. I am so sorry that your life ended so suddenly and that you were so young. Two years of physical therapy and acupuncture for a muscle tear and you died in pain from a ruptured tumor your routine blood tests couldn’t even detect.  It makes my heart hurt. 
I think about you every day, and I have cried every single day for a month and a half.  Celebrating Christmas and the New Year without you has been incredibly difficult, and I cannot believe I will never hold your furry little face in my hands, and nibble your big nose ever again. 
I am so sad without you in my life. You taught me so much - how to care for another life, responsibility, and what unconditional love feels like.  Because of you I finally feel like I am ready to be a mom, and I can’t believe you won’t be here with us when we raise our children. I thought I had so much more time with you - seven years was simply not enough. 
Mollie misses you too - you were a great big brother to her and such a great influence for a young rescue dog. Your dad never had a dog before you (but we were a package deal!) and I never saw him cry until the day you left us.  An ex-boyfriend of my sister’s even reached out to tell me how great of a dog you were, and that you understood human emotions more than any other dog he ever met. He says you made him want a Wheaten Terrier someday.  I hope you know your whole family - your grandparents and all of my siblings - were with you when you left. I never let go of your little paw. 
Your nose and paw prints are on our wall, and your #normansgang dog tag #288 is in a shadow box by your ashes. 
I love you so much, I miss you more than I can ever say, and I wish you were still here with me. I hope you are running wild and free over the rainbow bridge and that I’ll get to hold you again one day, my baby man, baby dog, and best friend. 

I miss you girl. Never got a chance to say goodbye, or properly grieve when I was younger. When mom came home with her tail between her legs that evening I knew something shapely wrong had been committed. She claims you got loose and ran ahead like you playfully did all the time but remained tentative and disciplined, when demanded or asked of. She claimed you were dognapped and she tried looking for you all over the place, which where was the immediate scene of your disappearance. As soon as she turned the corner to anticipate your adorable self, you vanished with no trace, or witnesses saying anything about information that may or may not have lead to our rescue and returned of you. By then when I was made aware, I had quickly surveyed the neighbouring buildings and asked the local tenants, and neighbourly elderly that are always about having there presence known that, where they are currently congregating is their neighbour "bench". WHICH THEY, believe it or not  are the eyes, ears, and gossip  of the hood. There is no reason why they would lie unless they are suspects and guilty. 

I missed you all these years and have had my heart broken. I have anxiety and depression when I think of replacing my sidekick, roll dog, princess, and badass bitch.

never will I stop appreciating and cherishing our times and memories spent alongside together.

miss you, 


B. HA, I. 

It has been 19 days since you fell asleep for the last time. I can't help but regret some things. I worry I didn't hold you enough those last few days. I'm sad that I wasn't holding you when you passed like I was supposed to. You went to sleep on the floor by yourself, while I watched TV. I only put you down for maybe 20 minutes. I miss your cuddles so much. 


I cry less now than I did before, but that doesn't mean I miss you any less. I'm glad that you're not in pain any longer, but it's just so cruel that you were only able to live 10 months. 10 months of illness and pain. I try to remember that you had good times too. Wagon rides, lots of treats, 100s of toys, and soo many cuddles. But it just wasn't enough. 


I love you Baby Zeus. You'll forever be my sweet baby boy.


It's been so many, many years now since I lost the two of you. I think of you both often as you were my first very own cats. You saw me through many good times and bad. Divorce, death of my mom, my grandparents, my uncle and many others... You got me through the ups and downs of my marriage, an abusive husband, moving to a new home twice in less than a year, and so many other things. Buttons you were my little ham - pretty girl who loved to play fetch with paper and money, waved your pretty tail on command, and loved to let me dress you up in clothes. My sweet girl you had asthma so bad and a hernia that you were born with which made your asthma worse. You almost died on us one time when you had a tooth pulled and nearly bled to dearth because of the asthma medication preventing your blood from clotting. But luckily you survived and lived another 5 or 6 years. Eddie you were the curious one and the one who loved to play with bottle caps and milk rings. You were a happy kitty and when you purred ity sounded as though someone had started up a Harley. I got the two of you as kittens in front of K-Mart. Someone was giving you away so I referred to you as my blue light special. You came into this world together so after 19 long years together I felt it best to have you pass to the Rainbow Bridge together. Both of you were quite sickly so I thought it was best to let you go. I was still in the middle of my divorce so it was really hard to let you both go. I will always love you though. Someday we will be together again but until then know that I love and miss you both so much. And I am forever grateful that you came into my life. 

My sweet, sweet Missy Moo. I miss you so much! It's been 2 months now since you left us. It seems like just yesterday though. I see you and feel your presence everywhere. Everything reminds me of you. I love you so much. Tomorrow would have been your 11th birthday so I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and tell you how very much I love you and miss you. 

My sweet boy! You are missed so very much. It's been almost a year now since you crossed to the Rainbow Bridge. Since then you have now been joined by your beautiful Mama Kitty and by our sweet little Missy. Please tell them mommy sends them Meows and Barks! I just wanted to wish you a Happy 12th Birthday! Your brother Tweekies is still here with me and I know that as he turns 12 he is missing you too. You are forever loved and missed my sweet boy but someday we will be together again. I love you so much! 

I posted this letter before but forgot the photo so here it is again. 

It's been about 2 weeks since you left us. My sweet, sweet girl I wish I had been able to help you. I wish you would have somehow let us know you needed our help, that you were sick.You survived cancer a year before only to leave us now 

I will never forget the first day I brought you home. You were such a brave girl. You were so young and had a litter of kittens under a man's porch. One day he came home to hear you hissing and growling and when he went outside he found you on top of a raccoon's back trying to make it drop one of your babies. He shot and killed the raccoon and rushed the baby to the vet hospital. They did many surgeries on him and miraculously he survived. He had special needs so a friend who worked at the vet's office adopted him. The man then went and caught you (you were feral and wanted nothing to do with people) and got the 2 remaining kittens, both boys. My 2 elderly kitties had just gone to the rainbow bridge so I adopted the 2 boys right away. Their names were Butters & Tweeks after the cartoon South Park. About a month later I was able to bring you home. You promptly let me know how you felt about that by peeing on my bed and then hiding. I didn't mind though. I knew you were scared and that eventually you would warm up to me. It took a while but finally you did. I hope you know how very grateful I am to you for sharing your babies with me. I wanted some of my own so badly and it just wasn't meant to be. But you shared your boys with me and I will love you forever for that.

You were probably the sweetest kitty I have ever had but at the same time you were tough. You stood guard for your family whenever a raccoon would be lurking in the back yard. I think my favorite memory of you is how you would give your kisses. You would wait until your "victim" was laying down. Then you would jump up on the bed, give a rub of your face and then throw your entire body into a full on body slam. Sometimes so hard that you would fall over doing it. That was your way of saying "I love you" and "PET ME NOW!!!"

Besides you 3 kitties, we also had a beautiful little Chihuahua, Missy living with us. Missy was very protective of you kitties even though the two of you at times pretended not to like each other. I think it was a game you played because as you both got older, you both became more tolerant of each other.

In August 2017 Butters became very sick with liver failure. He passed to the Rainbow Bridge and while we all took it really hard I think you took it the hardest. You withdrew to one of the spare bedrooms and rarely would come out. Then Mommy got a new boyfriend and he began to pay a lot of attention to you and gave you lots of loves and pets even when you didn't seem to want them. Then one day you started venturing out of the room and spending time with us. You became really attached to him and even started giving him your body slams. You would even come to him when he called for you.

When you got sick we rushed you to the vet hospital but unfortunately it was too late. Our sweet girl was not going to make it. I think that maybe you decided you wanted to go be with Butters. It was hard on us because our beloved Missy had died just a month before. Tweekies misses all 3 of you. So does mommy. Daddy didn't know Butters but he misses you so much and Missy too. Someday we will be together again. Until then just know you are in our hearts forever and ever. We miss you so much!

Its been a few months since you left us but you are missed every single second of every single day. You were such a good boy. I still remember the day I brought you and your brother Tweekies home. I was going through a divorce, had just moved to a new home, and my 2 sweet elderly kitties were sick and had to be put down. You and your brother were so little and you both needed a forever home. I decided to bring you home with me the same day I put my 2 girls down. I couldn't bear the thought of going home to an empty house. I remember the 2 of you boys kept me awake all night running around the house. You sounded like a herd of elephants. The next morning I informed you both that your nights would be spent locked in the bathroom so that mommy could sleep. And, I reminded you both, jokingly of course that you were expendable - I could return you at any time. I never had any intention of returning either of you. I loved you from the first time I held you. 
I think it was about a month later I was able to bring your mother home too. She was feral and it took me at least a year just to get her to let me pet her. Another year to hold her. And still another year before she stopped running to hide when I walked into a room. Now she's a big love bug but she still loves to go outside. You and your brother are more the homebodies. 
I want you to know Butters that I love you so much. The cute and quirky thing you do with your paws when you get a belly rub - your Aunt Vic named it your happy dance. Every time you did your happy dance it put a smile on our faces. It was so sweet the way you would cuddle up to your brother and mama. 
I want you to know I am so sorry that I didn't know you were sick until it was too late to help you. I wish you had given me some kind of sign, but you didn't seem sick until I noticed you were losing a lot of weight. By then you were in the final stages of liver failure. My sweet boy. You lost so much weight it was difficult to see you that way. I'm grateful that you chose me to share your life with. I'm glad that in the end I could hold you in my arms so that you were not alone when you passed to the Rainbow Bridge. Your sweet brother really took it hard and he sat and stared at your body for at least 15 minutes. Then he licked your face and went to look out the window. Your mama looked at you only briefly then ran into the other room. 
I miss you so very much Butters. Your Aunt Vic misses you too. You were such a good boy. I think what I miss most is waking up and finding Tweekies on my head, Mama next to my head, Missy behind my knees and you laying on top of my stomach or side staring at me with those big green eyes. Then as soon as I was completely awake the kitty & doggy kisses began until I was literally smothered in them! Now you and Missy are both at the Rainbow Bridge. Someday we will be together again. Until then just know that you are always in my heart. I miss you so much and love you forever. 

I want you to know how VERY VERY much mommy misses you! I love you SOOOO much! I hope you know that. Everyone misses you. The kitties, especially Tweekies are so sad. Aunt Vic & Jill miss you. Daddy misses you. Pretty much everyone who has ever met you misses that sweet face of yours. 

Some of my favorite memories of you are seeing you play with your best friend (a cat!) Riley. You two were inseparable until she moved away. Remember how you were so protective of your own kitties? Any time Jill or any other doggy tried to chase them you always jumped to get in between them and growled at the doggy to scare them away. You were such a good girl! Putting your tiny little life jacket on and watching you doggy paddle around the pool is probably my favorite memory of you. That, and watching how excited you would get whenever you got to go places with me. 

Those last days with you at the park and just cuddling in bed will always be special to me just like you.
I hope you can forgive me for all the times I promised to take you to the park and got too busy and for all the mistakes I made over the years taking care of you. I have never had a doggy before you so I was learning and making all my mistakes with you. 

I hope you also understand that all the poking with the needles and all the tests - they were all because we were trying to find out what was making you so sick so that maybe we could get you better and you could have stayed here with us. But unfortunately it didn't work out that way. I wish so much that it had but I guess Jordan really needed you there with him. I know he always wanted a sweet dog and the only person that loves you as much as I do is probably Jordan. I know he will take good care of you and someday we will all be together at the Rainbow Bridge. 

So until that happens, please just be happy and roll in the grass, chase after butterflies, give Jordan all the sweet doggy kisses he can handle and know that everyone misses you - mommy most of all. Please give Butters some doggy kisses for mommy and let him know how much mommy misses his purrs and kitty kisses. 

Please be a good girl for Jordan. I know you will. And don't ever forget that you will ALWAYS be my sweet, special girl and ALWAYS have a place in my heart. Until we can be together again, know that I love you and any time you miss me just think of me and you will know I'm thinking of you too. I love and miss you sweet girl! 




Dear Benny:

I remember the day I brought you home from the shelter.  After that lady returned you because you wanted to sit on her lap.  You didn't like to be alone.  But who could blame you, four different homes that we knew about.  It took some time but slowly your separation anxiety got better, but it was always there. I wasn't about to pass you around like all the other's.  Who better to adopt you then the Shelter Manager.  

Remember, all our wonderful walks together.  We walked a lot.  You would sleep with Mommy every night.  

You never , ever, once growled or try to bite anyone.  You were the sweetest thing ever.  You loved everyone.  Just wanted to be with your people!  

People tell me you were much LOVED by me. 
People tell me I did the right thing.
People tell me everything dies. 

I MISS you little buddy! 

You were never, ever, a bother to me.  We were together for over 14 yrs.  I never gave up on you and I will always LOVE you!   

And Benny...don't forget to say hi to Raja and Kitty Cat....oh and Radar.  





<written from my dog's perspective>

I'm tired. I have been for a while now. I'm probably around 12 1/2 years old and the last year has been different from what I'm used to. I wish my back legs would work like they should. I like the harness, but I'm sick of having it on 24-7 if I'm going to be honest. And those blasted head twitches and jolts that make me zone out? Ya, I'm over it. My parents have tried everything, but the thing is, I was never officially diagnosed with anything so they never knew what was going on.

Today especially, I'm tired. It's not because my dad took me on a slow walk so I could pee on my favourite spots. It's a different tired. It's hard for me to move from spot to spot and that's what I do because I can't get comfortable and relax anymore. My parents even have a blanket under the tree I used to dig around, but we've been laying there while I sleep instead of dig. They've been talking a lot on the blanket - for days. And they cry for a bit too. I've known things have been different for a while. 

Today, I finally settled on my mat in the front room. I just got comfortable when Faith walked in. I had met her before. First was when she helped my Berner BFF, Zoe, to cross some bridge. She was nice and gentle; I remember that. Then a few months ago she stopped in just to see me. I like her. She understood me from the first time we met. The funny thing is as a rescue, I was rough around the edges so my mom named me 'Grace' because I needed some. And now here's 'Faith' because we ALL need some.

I didn't really move when she came in the room but I didn't have to because she came right over to me and rubbed my head. She was calm and had a good energy. It felt good. She went to set something up then jackpot! My parents came into the room with a burger and a pint of ice cream. Just. For. Me. For real. They came down on the floor with me and fed me a piece of burger then I had a few licks of ice cream. Then burger. Then ice cream. Faith came back into the room and I got super tired and literally fell asleep with my tongue licking the ice cream. It was awesome. Then I slept. A type of sleep my parents had wished for me for the past while. A great deep sleep but I could still hear my parents. My dad was sad. More than I've ever heard him but he was saying super nice things to me. I'll always remember. Then my mom put her eye on my eye, which is something she always did and said some stuff to me that she always said to me at bedtime. I'll take that with me where ever I go.

Then I don't really remember what happened. My body went but my mind stayed. Weird. But that's all I need to be near my parents. I can still hear them and see them in my mind. When they talk to me, I talk back.

But guess what? I'm not tired anymore! I'm running around, neck-wrestling with Zoe and peeing on all sorts of things. I missed this.

Whatever my parents and Faith did sure did work. I feel like myself and that is happy.


I said goodbye to Mercury today. 

You were a few months shy of nineteen. I have been so blessed to share so many wonderful years and adventures together, every day loving each other more than the day before. We were inseparable for nearly two decades, bonded soul to soul. Your life was long and happy and filled with love. We didn’t waste a single second of our life together.  As heart breaking as it is to not be able to hold you in my arms, I'll hold you in my heart and talk to you every day in my prayers till we're together again. You'll never be alone.

As you cross to the next adventure your eyes will be clear and see for miles, you’ll be strong and run like the wind again. The sky is always blue and the sunshine warm and bright on fields of flowers. Your sister Stella will be waiting, wagging and barking to see you. Grandma will greet you with a big smile and take you in her arms and spoil you again. And, in what seems like a just a minute to you, but a painfully long time for me, you’ll look back over the rainbow bridge and see me smiling and waving, coming home to all of you. This isn’t our end; it is the beginning of our next adventure.

You taught me to see the wonder in life and the beauty in nature. You were my heart and my soul, my teacher and my muse, my friend and companion. You showed me the importance of a kind soul and a generous heart. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for your love and devotion, thank you for the laughter, you filled my life with meaning, you filled my life with joy. Thank you for teaching  me to love so pure.

In the end I held you in my arms as you drifted off to the gentle caress and soothing voice of the person you loved with all your heart and who loved you with all of his. Tenderly passed from my loving arms to the wings of angels.

It's hard coming up on the holiday season. I see the treats I always bought you in Bulk Barn and I know how much you loved this time. You got more treats and more pets than usual over Christmas and I'm sorry last Christmas was your last and none of us knew. Everyone calls their dog a good boy, but you were THE good boy. The best boy. You were just... amazing. I don't know if I believe in reincarnation or souls. But if I do, or if it's real, I hope you come back in some form to this world, because you were such a pure, vibrant being and I hope someone else can experience that. I'm glad I was with you until the end. I'm glad it was just you and me. You were and always will be my best friend. I'm sorry you couldn't be the ring bearer at my wedding like we wanted, but I know I made the right decision for you and I hope you understand that too. I love you old man.

Every day I am reminded of your unconditional love that touched so many lives for so many years.

Without warning, illness attacked you virulently. Our veterinary team worked hard to turn this specter of death away, and I had only one wish.That you would not suffer. That our love would extinguish the flames of a cancer that gave no rhyme or reason.  

As I held you close and your last sentient breath filled the room, and your warm body became heavy and still, I knew that you were finally free. No more pain, no more suffering. 

Your gentle nature never failed to keep the focus on the only thing that ever matters — love. And this is forever.

My dearest, sweetest angel. This is the first day after our formal grieving period of 49 days, and I want so much to be better, to be more at peace. To be able to write the perfect letter that captures all the blessings bundled up in you. And last week, I began to feel the grief softening just a little, just enough to make it bearable; this, I told a friend who was kind enough to check in with me to see how I was doing. I have been through this kind of loss twice before, when your brothers have had to move on. I know it does, in fact, get easier to carry on; that the waves of sadness still come, but there is more room to breathe between them. But, it seems, I still have such a long way to go until I get there. However, I didn’t want to put off writing to you because I know, no matter how long I wait, I would never be able to put into words everything I wanted to; and I know writing today is going to be an integral part of the process in strengthening my sense of connection to you under these new circumstances.

Yesterday, for your Day 49 – the Buddhists’ notion of how long a spirit may take to navigate the Between – I wanted to honor your journey, as I did for your brothers at the end of seven weeks’ time. The usual toast with a bit of bubbly was a given. Lighting a candle at the cathedral. But I had the idea to ask your Dad if I could go up in the airplane with him (and his instructor) for his flying lesson. This way, I thought, I wouldn’t have to wait until I got my wings to fly with you. Your dad had his own idea about you as a future co-pilot, so I knew this would resonate with him as well in his own way.

Your wings. Remember how I called you our Angel-in-Residence? How I said all your peanut butter-colored freckles marked the kisses of your angel-friends when they huddled around you to say goodbye for a while, right before you left heaven to become part of our family? How almost every day without fail I thanked you for giving up your wings another day to be with us? How I would stroke your “wing spots” as part of our daily meditation together? And marvel aloud at the iridescence in your white fur: so sure I was that this mirrored the shimmer of colors in your dazzling white wings hanging in heaven’s closet and waiting for your return? How I assured you Pushkin and Otis would dust off your wings when the time came for you, and would meet you with them right away when it came time for you to go back? And how, when your legs were crumpling on you in the last month or so, I’d told a neighbor you’d be OK because, in heaven, you had the most beautiful, strong wings. I’d told her – borrowing Grandpa’s term – in heaven, you are a “fast flyer.”

So, I believe you’ve been soaring since Day 1, as soon as your brothers showed up for you. No need for any time spent in some bardo… not for you, already an angel. I believe that the three of you are together again. That you are getting to know Pushkin now, who is healthy and youthful, just as you are again. You are once again right at brother Otis’s side. And that both of them are so proud of you -- their baby brother, all grown up: just like the day all three of you were together for your “debut” at the dog park in Tucson. I can still so clearly see the three of you there, and I believe it’s a lot like that in heaven now; and somehow, in your heaven, I’m standing nearby just as I was on that day. I believe all of this, admittedly, because I have to… I need to. But that’s OK. 

In addition to the daily reflections and meditation practices you and I have been practicing together for years, I’m nearing the end of an extra 33-day series of reflections that came my way pretty much right after your time came. A bit of miracle that yesterday’s theme – on your special day -- was “knowing”: the difference between believing and knowing something. Each morning when I lay my hand on you while we breathed together I would say, “Do you think I love you or know it? Because you have to know it! Long after your brain is gone and it can’t think anymore, you have to still know it.” And so here we are still practicing this ongoing sense of connection. Someday, my spirit also will be free of its body; I too must know – must trust – that our connection is forever. Which is why your special song – the one that, whenever you hear me singing it, you know I am singing solely to you -- is “Our Love Is Here To Stay.” Oh yes it is. Know it.

Now that 49 days have passed, I know there needs to be a subtle shift in how I’m approaching the day. I am feeling the weight of having to move forward. I’m still here. I’m trying, Galileo. Today’s extra reflection was about “oneness” and letting the heart open in order to more fully experience our connection with someone. I always have called you my heart-chakra canine kid, so again the timeliness of today’s focus is a bit of a miracle. (Yes, I will continue to be someone who looks for miracles in my day, for signs that you and your brothers are with me and that you remember we are a family, no matter how much time passes.) Inspired in part by today’s practice, I want to promise you that I will work hard to clear distractions, to quiet the mental chatter, to reduce external chaos -- specifically so that it will be easier for us both to feel each other’s energy and love. The importance of being present: one of the lessons you and your brothers have taught me and continue to teach me even now. And the joy that can come with it. 

Each morning while you were with us (eleven years, three months, five days), I thanked you and God for another day with you. Another day, another gift. That is still true, even if we now have to spend our time together a little differently. I will try not to lose sight of this truth as I continue getting used to how our relationship must now evolve. You are a gift – then, now, always. Joy. My precious angel: fly happy, fly free! And look over your shoulder: see me right there with you. That is my prayer. Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu. Om shanti, shanti, shanti. 



I cannot begin to put into words the devastating loss I feel after having to make the decision to let you go.  The words the doctor whispered, "she's gone mom" haunt me each and every day.  I know that you needed to fly from your little broken body and move to a place where you could chase baby bunnies until your heart's content.  Your departure was so unexpected and too soon.  With time, I pray the hole in my heart and soul will be replaced with the joy we shared.  I miss you my Pepper-oni, my Schnoodle-doodle.   

I'm so sorry that in a few short hours, you will take your last breath. You were such an amazing companion to my sister. You protected her and fought off the two dogs that attacked you both while out on a walk, you were there for her when most of her belongings were stolen, you moved with her all the way to nowhere Kentucky and you simply loved her with everything you had. You put up a good fight for the last year between having part of your jaw removed and chemo, and despite the health issues you were always happy and adapted like a champ. It hardly seemed fair when you started to limp a couple weeks ago and they said the cancer had gotten into your hip. We were told a removal of the leg would cure you, but then discovered the cancer had spread to your lymph nodes. I wish I could take it away buddy and you'd be here for a few more years like you should have been. I'm so sorry but unfortunately, I can't. When we open our homes and our hearts to a pet, we promise to love you and care for you but just as important, we promise to know when it is time to let go and not put you at risk for more pain or suffering. While you were in good spirits yesterday, keeping you here longer only puts you at risk of breaking your hip and being in immense pain. I'm glad I could spend some time with you and say goodbye. Tomorrow, your mom keeps her promise to you and upholds her part of the bargain because she loves you so much. You mom will be incredibly sad but I promise Alex, Grandma, Grandpa, Sophie, Katie and I will watch out for her and we will all think of the good times with you. Tomorrow, you will get to see Abby again and meet Maggie, Ace and Max. Tell them all we miss them and love them still. You have been such a good boy, we will all miss you terribly but now you can go softly into that gentle sleep, you deserve to rest now. You gave everything you had. Thank you for all the love, affection and joy you gave to all of us. 

Since you crossed over yesterday the grief that I feel is indescribable. I'm so sorry that you suffered so much in the past couple weeks but we tried so hard to make you well. You were so brave till the end. You know we loved you no matter what and we thank you for being in our lives for the last 15 years. Mom and Joy and I and all your friends miss you so much. Our house is so empty now without you sitting in your little bed looking over at us ! There are so many beautiful moments we shared I can't list them all. I really miss you licking my face and just holding you next to me. All the places we went and all the walks we went on we're all special times for us. You used to be so stubborn and wanted to be the leader when we walked ! But that was your personality and that's what made you special. You used to love to go on car trips especially when we would go to Temecula and the park ! And we would always stop at el pollo loco and get your grilled chicken ! It's so hard to think of going there without you. I know you are in heaven now and watching over us. And I know when it's my turn to cross over you will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge and someday we will all be together again. Knowing this is what keeps me going on without you here next to me. Joy really misses you Hero. She loves you very much. Anyway I will write you again when I can think more clearly. It is hard to write with so many tears in my eyes. I love you so much Hero and I know you know that. I will talk to you soon "Lil He" 

It's only been 3 day's since I last held you in my arms & you took your last breath. With all the kisses & hugs I could muster up your passing just devastated Dad & I. You were our special boy, we went through so much together. You so helped me through my Cinnamon's passing. We adopted Blossom who was 6 mos to the day younger then you. You both just made our lives complete!  My cancer & your ear canal's being removed. We were a pair, but we helped each other. You helped me through my cancer but I feel I failed you. The Lymphoma pill didn't work, the radiation didn't work, we started the chemo (palladia) pill it didn't work. You lost control of your back legs, we bought a (wheelchair) cart for you & you couldn't balance, you could stand to go outside even with us helping you. We washed you dried you, fed you & most lovingly loved you unconditionally as you did for us! Our home is empty, Blossom is not sure where you are. We are so sad, we miss you so much! I hear Dad crying in his office & in the the bedroom. He hears me crying everywhere. I'm not sure how we will go on without you. You didn't just take a piece of our heart, you took all! Dad love to spoil both of you, he loved you sitting by his chair during dinner & putting your head under his arm while he ate! No matter what I said, your manners I could not curve! We started to allow you 2 to sleep with us. During the night you would shimmy up to Dad's pillow & put your head on that pillow, Dad would turn his head & get a big wet kiss from his boy! Bijou, we so loved that! I loved you sleeping in between, it was just too cute! My sweet boy, you have no idea how much our hearts are broken. I miss you so much & every time I thing the tears have stopped, the flow starts again. I can't even think of driving back to CA. without you  sleeping on my lap pretty much the whole trip (Blossom was not happy with that). You loved the stops at McDonalds for your egg & the hamburger's for lunch.  That special treat we did when we traveled with you both. I cannot say good bye, it's too hard! We love you buddy, our little beastie boy!


It's been 1 year since our last moments together. They seem so fleeting still. I still regret how short of a time we had together but if I had to change anything I would not change a thing. With you, I learned something I had never known before which is the ability to love so unconditionally. And it was that unconditional love I have for you that obligated me to have to let you go.

I often feel you here with me. I can finally laugh and smile when I think of you. It took me some time to get here though I find myself crying as I write this note as a cool fall night descends upon us I cannot help but wish you were here with me as my own personal space heater.

Poopy nose I miss the way you tossed your toys around, how you would bite into my shopping bags, how no shoelace was safe, you sneaking into my closet to nap and our Sundays on the couch curled up with the blanket.

I hope you have everything you need and you are as healthy as the day we met without the pain and discomfort you felt on your last few days with me. I am sure you have all the treats and toys your heart desires. 

Thank you for your time here with me, making me laugh and bringing me the most joy of my life. 

I miss you every day and know some day I'll allow another kitty to try and fill your paws but know you will always be my first love.



I miss you so much little buddy.  I wish we had more time together.  I'm sorry that I got aggravated with you near the end.  I'm sorry that I wasn't the most patient mama.  I feel like it was selfish to let you go because I couldn't watch you falling apart anymore.  You were always such a good boy.  I loved living in Boston with you and taking you on the T and letting you bark at the swan boats.  Remember when you almost bit the maintenance man's hand? I miss you when I'm on walks with the girls.  It feels strange to not be tripping over you when I'm on walks.  11 years, despite my best efforts, and you never figured out how to stop getting under my feet. I miss snuggles with you.  I'm sorry I didn't pick you up and put you on the bed every night.  It's been almost 3 months since you're gone and I still cry all the time.  I know if you were here you'd be licking my salty face.  I never realized just how bonded we were, and I wish I could go back and love you better.  I feel like I wasn't good enough for you.  I didn't deserve to be loved so much by you.  You were my boy.  You were so loyal and goofy.  I miss your whole body wag and the way we would "talk" when I got home.  Dammit I miss you so much.  I even miss tripping over you.  I hated watching you get old, and watch your heart get worse, and watch your body betray you.  I couldn't watch your legs giving out, and when you would look so confused walking around the house.  We lived for in the same house for 8 years and you looked around like you'd never been there before.  It broke my heart to see your mind slowly deteriorate.  It hurt to realize that you were walking in front of me all the time because you had gone blind and didn't know where you were going.  There's so much I wish we could have done to fix you, but I know there wasn't anything.  Dr. Amy told me I shouldn't feel this way but I do.  I would have lost everything if it meant I could save you.  I miss the clicking of your nails on the floor when you would start to fret at night and pace the house.  I miss holding you like a baby.  I know it annoyed you but you tolerated me and let me do it anyway.  I was so worried about you falling down the stairs when you'd get there before me.  It's strange for me not to have to vacuum everyday to get all that white hair up.  White hair on everything, people thought I had a cat.  I told them "nope, my baby Jack, who's allergic to cats."  I still think it's hilarious that you're allergic to cats.  You were a special one Doodle.  Special in every meaning of the word.  Gloria misses feeding you tomatoes and lettuce.  I miss searching for treats that you aren't allergic to.  You and Jade were with me in the hardest times of my life, and I wouldn't have survived if I didn't have you two.  I loved you so much and I hope that I at least showed you that and treated you well while you were her on this Earth.  I know I'll see you again.  I hope you'll forgive me if I wasn't the best mama.  I just want to be able to hold you and hug you again.  I couldn't let go of you after you died.  I held you for so long and cried.  I felt like I let you down.  Everybody says I did right by you for your whole life with me but I'll never feel like I did enough for you.  You were my protector.  You wouldn't ever let anyone hurt me.  You picked who you liked, and I trusted your judgement.  If you didn't like them, I didn't trust them.  I wish you were still here.  I know you were old, but sometimes I feel like there was more I could do.  I wish I had been nicer, cuddled more, yelled less, loved on you more often.  The girls miss you too.  They smelled your bed and wouldn't lay in it for the longest time.  We all miss you my little angel.  I love you so much

You showed up at my front door one day out of the blue. I didn’t know what your actual name was so I thought Rufus seemed to fit you rather nicely (Hope you liked the name). How incredibly sweet and what a handsome face. How could I resist? You were wearing only a flea collar and you had been fixed. You certainly appeared healthy (weight wise). Why on earth would you be roaming around all alone in the neighborhood? How could someone just leave you? I have always imagined that it was a hard choice for them to make. Maybe they thought you would be better off on your own outside. Who knows. However, the one thing that I do know is it turned out to be one of the biggest blessings of my life. 
You quickly acclimated yourself to the house and your new surroundings. Maggie and your kitty step sisters Isabel and Sophia graciously welcomed you in. I’ll never forget how wonderful it was when you would walk up and down the side of the bed demanding lots of belly and chin rubs. And when you had your fill of those, you would curl up beside me with one outstretched paw placed on my arm and gently doze off to sleep. You slept with our paw like this for such a long time – the first few years if I remember correctly. I thought it was incredibly sweet but at the same time I had a feeling it was because you wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to leave you like someone had before. I can tell you that is something that would never have happened in a million years my sweet boy. Never.  
I wanted to write this so that you would know how much you meant to me and what a profound mark you left on my heart. You were not perfect – not even close. But then again, neither was I. With everything we went thru though, I would not change a thing. That is because I love you, plain and simple. 
Spending the entire day with you on what would turn out to be your last day here before heading off to heaven was a very hard and yet freeing experience for me. In no way was I ready for you to go, but on the other hand it was nice to just sit and reflect over the time we had together. I’m very sad that I wasn’t there for your last breath but I have a feeling you didn’t want me to be there either. Your sister Isabel was with you and that eases the pain a little. I wish I could have said goodbye my sweet little guy, but I think that is what you were trying to avoid. So when I went to take a call you quietly departed with Isabel there to help you. I understand. I have never been that great at goodbyes myself either. 
Thanks again for being such a good listener. Our late night talks will definitely be missed. More importantly though, thanks for all the love. Hopefully I showed you how much I care and love you while you were here. 
So goodbye for now sweet boy – Until we see each other again. Love you !!
Talk to you on Wednesday (only you will get this)
(PS – I hope you don’t mind but I put the picture of the painting I did of you – It’s from when we first met --- Haven’t seen my heart since )


It's been one week since I got to look into your beautiful brown eyes and tell you I love you. Home and my heart are so empty without you. I am trying hard to be strong, but I realize much of my strength came from loving and caring for you. Everything reminds me of you. When I was at home you were always with me. Whether you were snuggled, patiently waiting, walking with me or just hanging out, you were always by my side. Mama's best friend in the whole world. We did so much and when I was not home, I could not wait to get back home to you. Now it just feels like there are so many "no mores".

No more snuggles, no more Star Light Star Bright, no more conversations that would make most people scratch their head or laugh, no more sitting on the back deck in the late afternoon sun, no more hugs and kisses, no more howling when you are super excited, no more alerting me that it's dinner time (a half hour early), no more introducing you and saying "be careful he will wash your face with kisses", no more big spoon-little spoon, no more hours working on the computer with you nestled in the chair with me (even when you would rather do anything else), no more sitting on mama's lap facing me with your hands on my shoulders while we play "wanna go to Boston", no more talking about you incessantly on vacation to strangers who think I'm crazy until I show your picture and then they just understand, no more looking into your eyes and feeling so lucky to be your mama.

I've been looking through thousands of pictures these last few days, I'm trying to update your website for the final time. How it hurts to write that. But when I was looking through the pictures, I realized you went on so many adventures: play dates, vacations, family visits, walks, hikes, and events. And you had birthday parties, holiday gifts, and professional photo shoots. You didn't have a dog's life, you had a childhood! And you were so loved! Mostly by me (no one could possibly love you more), but by your family, friends, neighbors, doctors, my coworkers, and of course your little brother Kody.

Kody is lost without you but don't worry I am giving him extra love and attention. He keeps waiting for me to bring you home. I don't have the heart yet to tell him you are watching over him from the stars above. He's still full of energy, but occasionally he senses that I am so sad and he will give me a few minutes of snuggles and affection. I know you are sending him secret messages to do so. Thank you.

I've been talking to you every night when I see your star. I hope you can hear me. Even when it's cloudy I've been looking for you. I am so grateful for all that you gave me. The joy, the love and the friendship that we shared was the greatest of each. I am blessed to have had you in my life. Many never get to have a love like ours fill their heart. That's why losing you hurts so very much. The pain is equal to the love, and the love is infinite. I will never stop loving you, missing you or speaking to you. You were the center of my little world and you will always own the biggest piece of my heart.

Thank you for being my little boy, my best friend, my puppy, my everything. You are my Star Light Star Bright, you are the first star I see every night. Mama loves you more than anything in this world.

I cannot write your name without crying. You have only been gone a few weeks, and I am no closer to "finding peace". I miss you. You are completely irreplaceable. I wake up in the morning, and by the time I've started the coffee , I remember what happened...I feel this sharp pain in my stomach and my blood turns to ice...how could it have happened? I miss you so, so much. I  wish more than anything I could turn the clock back and have had the insight to get you screened for heart disease, which is surely what took you, stole you from me like a thief in the night. But in over a half century of having cats in my life, I have never seen this. I could never have predicted it. I am just sick in my heart without you. I thought we had so much time ahead.
Everywhere I go I see your absence, when I open the back door to let dogs in, and remember your funny little habit of peering over the top of the window, just the wee ears and huge owl-eyes.."there's your troll" Alex would say. The spot on the stairs where you'd sit and watch stoicly over the goings-on below, but completely flip out with happiness if I came over and played with you....And the space beside me in the office...so empty. My heart just breaks without you.
I hope I was a good enough Mom, I loved you so much. It's still unreal that you are gone.And now I am sat here trying to write, I recall that we communicated in such a unique way - songs, noises, touch..it's awkward to convey what I feel in ordinary words. Maybe I can just say this.

Of all the animals I have had, do have and will have, of all that I love and will love, you will always remain unique in my memory and in my heart. I will never stop loving you.Your death leaves me in pieces, but it will have a legacy...I am already making changes in my life I have needed to for a long time, to honour not only you, but the person I see when I reflect on this grief. The one who cherishes cats. Whose work needs to be so much bigger than it has been this past while..in rescue, inadvocacy, and in other species (aside from the dogs!) There will be a big part of you in all I do in future, and I will never forget you.

Thank you, Dolly lama, for all you were, in your feral magic and hilarious ways and unforgettable presence. Thank you for your devotion to me, and for keeping me laughing in hard times and grateful when I wasn't inclined to be. Whatever strange dimension you came from, I can only say this: there is no one like you, and there never will be. I was blessed to have been your person for a whole 9 years - not long enough, but so so precious.
Please come back when  you can.Until then, my sweetheart, my faerie - -  Slán abhaile a stór mo chroi.




A place of comfort and healing

jacque to panda

Mama angel to Panda

Ashley to Rocky

JJ to Thumbalina

mommy to Navy

Daddy to Navy

Mommy to Dexter

B. HA, I. to MIJI

Momma to Zeus

Mommy to Buttons & Eddie

Mommy to Missy

Mommy to Butters

Mommy to Mama Kitty

Mommy to Butters

Mommy to Missy

Mary to Benny

Grace to Humans

Your Dad, Wayne to Mercury

Sam to Toby

Vineca to Tia

Mom to Galileo

Mom - Denise Belcevic to Pepper

Uncle James to Argos

Daddy to Hero

Mommy & Daddy to Bijou

Mama (Yvania) to Damon

Mommy to Jack

Dad to Rufus

Mama to Kyle

Mom to Amidala