My sweet Scooter,

Seeing you creep across the yard, sneaking up on birds, rabbits or anything you could catch. Watching you play with your toy mice, carrying them in your mouth to plop them in your food or water dishes.. cuddling with me, giving me kisses. I'll hold those images dear to me for the rest of my life.

I'll treasure every moment spent with you because I knew never to take any of our moments together for granted. If you're lucky, you find that pet that's a once in a lifetime. Some bonds can't be replaced or replicated.

I am grateful that my memories of you warm my heart in its coldest, darkest moments. With any luck you died feeling the same way.

The heart remembers what the mind tries to forget.

I try to hide my struggle with losing you. To the outside world, I appear fine. But I don't feel like I'm actually present for it. I feel cold, distant and alone. Like I'm watching the world but not actually a part of it. I know someday I will learn to properly live with this loss but I don't even know how to start.

People say I will one day want to do it again; take a chance, get another cat, but no, I'm done. You were it, you were the best, and my heart is too badly broken to try again. It's like trying to put together a gjigsaw puzzle where the pieces are permanently gone. I couldn't do it because it just wouldn't be you. You were it. My once in a lifetime.

Love always,

Momma